Four and One
by Azhwi
Summary: The Four Times Hidan Caught Hinata Unaware and the One Time He Didn't. How Hinata met Hidan. Really, did you think it would be polite? Hinata and Hidan AU. Drabble set.
1. Going Postal

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me. Also, this was written for fun and no money was made (Kakuzu would call this a waste of time).**  
******Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.**

******-x-**

******1. Going Postal**

A leer and a mouth that couldn't stop to care, those were my first impressions of Hidan.

I was standing in line, a delivery notice in my hand, waiting for the little old man at the counter to finish with the gum-chewing blonde ahead of me. It was near Christmas and I was curious to know what my cousin—_my cousin!_—had sent me.

Neji and I hardly talk, so I had no idea what he thought would fit my interests. Did he know that I painted? That I liked to take photos of the birds out in my backyard as reference? That the red cardinal was my favourite? Probably not. Still, he had sent me _something _and I was itching to see what it was. Too big to get through the mail slot, in any case.

So, there I was, being the patient customer, when there was a low hum… "Now that's an ass."

Now, I've had harassing whistles and degrading comments before and I've long before decided to confront the idiots rather than ignore them. One, it gave me some spice in life, and two, whenever Neji was there and I did that, it drove him up the fucking wall. '_Don't encourage them. Ignore the trash'_. Yes, well, sometimes it's just _fun _to heckle them back, Neji. Not that my ice cube of a cousin would ever understand that. Or me.

For today, I felt good. Even having my anatomy approved of by the rougher half of the neighbourhood wouldn't put a damper on my mood. So…

I just barely caught the frown crossing the face of the old fellow behind the counter before I rolled my eyes and turned around. "That's all you can come up with?" I asked. And then, I have to admit, I had to stop and blink.

The man behind me was white. Not like pale or powdered or cold. No, the man was _white_. It was his eyes that tipped me off: wine red and wicked.

People, meet Hidan. The asshole has arrived.

"Fucking deny it," he fired back, the leer widening into a full-out smirk. The albino towered over me by a good foot, but then again, most of the world seems to.

Wrenching my gaze away from his, I huffed and spun back to the front. The blonde was still there, making some kind of fuss over delivery dates. "I'm wearing a coat, you can't even _see _my butt."

There. Called his bluff.

Then there was a snicker. "Hey, if you're offering—Fuck yes."

"No, it's not!"

"Hey! I'm trying to talk here!" Oh great. Now the blonde wanted in on me too.

The poor man behind the counter was trying to coax the woman back to business, but she wasn't willing. Actually, she looked rather ticked. I almost took a step back, but remembered just in time of the a pervert right behind me. Who probably would enjoy me bumping into him far more than he'd _ever _deserve.

I raised my hands and smiled at her. Placate. Placate. "I'm sorry, we'll be—"

"Fuck you, blondie. Hurry up and get your shit sorted out." Seriously? The guy's gonna pick a fight? "No one actually wants to hear about your fucking hormonal issues." In the _post office_?

At that point, there's no salvaging the situation. The blonde let out this enraged shriek that should have shattered glass for miles around and _dove _for the guy _behind me_.

Right. Fuck this. "Have fun," I muttered over my shoulder and ducked out.

He gave an odd grunt, and then cackled as the woman tried to take the lids off his eyes with her bright green nails. The woman was shouting and ranting, and all the guy said was, "Yap, yap, yap, yap…"

I sighed as I noticed the old post office fellow on the phone. Probably calling security.

Neji's present could wait for another day. Out the door I went.

I had to sidestep the security guard who barrelled down the hallway five steps down.

xXx

A/N: Illegal NaNo post! XD


	2. Where are your meds?

******Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me.******

******Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.**

******-x-**

**2. Where are your meds?!**

The second time I saw the albino was in the drug store. I'm not kidding. You know the section for all the Velcro straps and 'for sports' support bindings? Yeah, that's where the foul-mouthed idiot was browsing.

I was there for pain pills. Sasuke's migraines were getting bad those days. I figured, I'd pick a few brands up and see which worked best. Maybe then he'd be up for a dinner out.

Not really sure what to think about me and him. Been dating for nearly a month and it's harder to get Sasuke out of the family compound than it was convincing his best friend Naruto that ramen wasn't a staple food group.

In all honesty, I didn't see Whitey until I had nearly walked past him. The man had a black hoodie on and was completely covered. One hand hidden under a bright blue box of something, the other tucked into the pocket in the front of his sweater.

Don't ask me why, but I had turned around and was already opening my mouth before I clued in properly. "Oh, you survived!"

I really should have just kept on walking.

His head snapped up and he blinked just once, and then I knew he recognized me. "Heeey! The girl with the perfect ass! How the fuck are you?"

Really should have kept on walking.

But, in for a penny. Besides, the idiot was _kind of_ funny.

"I'm fine. You?"

The crass guy snickered. "Surviving." Then the man flinched and sucked in a breath.

I frowned. When you've been part of a dojo long enough, you learn to categorize flinches. "What's wrong?"

"Fucking Kakuzu broke my arm." He rolled his eyes and shrugged with his right shoulder. The one not attached to the arm cradled close to his stomach.

Blink. "What?"

He waggled the blue box at me. "That's why I'm shopping for this shit. He's using mine." The idiot grinned.

Really? "There's a hospital for people in your condition."

The albino just rolled his red eyes again.

"And a special place for people like you."

He smirked. "Your bedroom?"

"A padded cell far away from society."

He snorted. "_That's_ where you fucking sleep?"

Closing my eyes, I counted to three. "Do you need help?"

"Oh fuck yes. Always."

I think I've picked up some of Sasuke's stress symptoms: headache forming over left eye. Hello aggravation. "Right, carry on then."

And I've already turned my back to him, when something clattered to the floor and I heard a soft, "Fuck."

Neji's voice went wafting through my head: '_Just ignore him'_. So, I sighed and turned right back around again.

There's the albino, biting his lip, dark eyes glazed in pain, free hand clamped tightly over the supposed injured limb.

I reached down, picked up the box, and waited for him to get a hold of himself.

When he finally did, that smirk came back full force. "Fuck, gorgeous. Are you coming on to me this time?"

I couldn't kill the smile that grabbed hold of my lips fast enough, and I knew he saw it, but I shook my head and pointed at the front of the store. "March."

The idiot gave me this huge grin as we started walking. "So," he drawled, "do I get a fucking name?"

"Hyuuga." No way in hell was I giving him my full name.

"Hyuuga...?" No way in hell was he not going to ask.

"Yes." Bite me.

Despite being shut down, Whitey was looking smug. I didn't even want to know.

I left him at the till as the cashier was ringing his purchase through. No, I didn't pay for it. No, I didn't want his name either.

I was already down the street and muttering to myself, when I realized that I had forgotten Sasuke's painkillers.

_Fuck_!

xXx

A/N: Wheeee!


	3. Don't talk to me in public

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me.**

**Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.**

**-x-**

**3. Please don't talk to me in public.**

The third time I met Hidan, it was all Naruto's fault.****

I didn't have Facebook. I didn't even have a MySpace page or an MSN profile. Not even Yahoo. No, my sin was knowing Naruto on a first name basis.****

"Yo! Hinata-chan!" Blond, blue-eyed, buff, and boisterous, _my_best friend Naruto stood on a park bench, waving his arm and grinning like ramen was free for the day. ****

Sasuke and I had... split. The less said about that, the better. Naruto was still best buds with my ex, but he had declared fast and determined that he was my best friend for life. And well, I liked having him around.****

I waved back at him and threaded my way through the winter festival crowd. It's well past Christmas now, but there's still the odd celebration that pops up in our town. We just liked to party, I guess. ****

"Naruto-kun! Did you get the tickets!" I yell back. We've been daring each other to go through the Cave of Horrors at this festival for months. Been kind of a running joke really.****

His grin was bright and infectious, and I could feel my whole being just light up just by being around my happy bouncy, about-to-get-his-ass-scared, friend. "Hell yeah! You and me! We're doing this!"****

Since Sasuke, he's also the only one that could make me laugh. I would think that sad if I didn't know my relatives. I bounced right up beside him on the bench and ignored the glares aimed at us for dirtying public property. "Before or—"****

And as soon as I was up on the bench, Naruto wrapped his arms around me and gave me a wet smack on the cheek. "Naruto?!"****

His tone was smug and far more suggestive than I've ever heard him before. "You attract attention when you laugh, Hina-chan," he said softly into my ear as he held me tightly. "Just play along."

"Attention?" I pulled away and he gave me a few inches of space. ****

His eyes darted over my shoulder and he nodded his wide smile back in place. "Yeah, there's a weird guy behind you. He's got this really weird look and watching you. No don't—"****

But I've already turned around in the circle of Naruto's arms and was staring back into red eyes.****

The albino and I regarded each other for a moment. Then he mouthed, quite deliberately, 'Hyuuga Hinata,' and smirked.****

Damn.****

"Hinata? Do you know him?" Naruto's voice behind me nearly made me fall off the bench in surprise. Only his fast grab around my middle prevented me from slipping.****

"Meep!" It took me a moment, but I got my feet back under me. Shame on me, the first thing I did was check on the albino.****

He was looking super amused. There's a grin in place of the smirk and he's giving me a mock slow clap from where he stands, thirty feet away.****

I flipped him the bird.****

One of his eyebrows lifted and he opened his mouth, stuck his tongue out and curled it back in, slow and suggestive.****

"What the fuck?!" Naruto's already moving around me, but I grabbed him.****

"He's no one," I blurted out hanging on to his arm. The last thing I wanted was Naruto getting into a fight at the festival. "C'mon, we've got some ghosts to shout down!"****

"That bastard—"****

"Has a broken arm," I interrupted.****

My blond friend paused, turned, and blinked at me. "How do you know that?"

"Met him at the store," I muttered with a shrug. "Just leave him alone; he's being an ass."****

Naruto glanced at the albino again. "No, he's being fucking creepy."****

"And I can handle him," I said, tugging on Naruto's arm. "Come on!"****

Grumbling, he finally gave in and we wheeled around, heading off for the Cave.****

I looked over my shoulder just to make sure Whitey wasn't following us. He gave me a salute and then made a big deal of settling back on his heels to watch us walk away.****

Or rather, watch me go.****

Pervert.

xXx

A/N: Can you imagine having Naruto as your social network? You'd get to know _everyone_. There would be _no_ privacy. And there would be ramen coupons every friggin' day.


	4. You and Dad equal disaster

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me.**

**Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.**

**-x-**

**4. You + Dad = Disaster**

I have to say that the fourth time seeing Hidan had to be the epitome of awkwardness. Even for him.

And it was Naruto's fault. Again.

After weeks of wheedling, visiting, and gift giving (along with never thought possible good behaviour), Naruto managed to finagle a sleepover out of my father.

Sasuke was over because our mutual ramen-loving friend was demanding we at least talk to each other. No, my ex was _not _staying the night. Naruto wasn't that convincing and Sasuke wasn't that interested.

So it was me and the two guys at six thirty on a Friday evening. And Naruto wanted ramen for dinner. Of course. Sasuke voted for sushi. I voted for Chinese takeout. Somehow we ended up agreeing to pizza.

Guess who _delivered _the food?

There's something drastically wrong with me when I could _recognize his voice_from down the hall.

"... Hyuuga-san?"

Standing at the front door, my father nodded.

One, it's embarrassing that my father was witnessing my apparent lack of healthy food choices tonight.

Two, he's paying for it.

Three, in two point three seconds the albino was going to realize that there's only one Hyuuga compound in the city and that I lived here.

Four, fuck my life.

"Hinata, come and get your food."

Yep. Fuck my life.

"Yes, father."

If the albino's grin got any wider, it was going to take off the top half of his smug face. "Good evening, Hyuuga-san," he said when I stepped forward to take the pizza.

I was about to respond when there's a throat-clearing from my father. Who was looming over both of us. I froze. The _pizza boy _dropped the smirk. I started to smile.

Yes, you bastard. My dad _can_ get your ass fired. Try it. _I dare you_.

…

Oath to go by in life. For the rest of my doomed existence. Never dare Whitey. Ever. Not verbally nor mentally. No daring. Not worth it.

Cuz he took one look at my face and the smirk came back. He turned to face my father, and I swear, the world _cringed_. "Hyuuga-san," he said, standing straight in his pizzeria's company colours, "your daughter is fucking hot."

I have no idea what expression my father was wearing because my jaw just hit the floor. I had no words. None.

Then the albino looked at me and had the gall to ignore my father. "I'm Hidan. You free tomorrow?"

What the ever-loving fuck?

"Who the hell are you?" "Who?" Oh... shit... RIGHT. The BOYS.

At that point, my father seemed to have recovered his vocals. "Get out."

"You again?!"

My life; for sale. Anyone interested?

Hidan sketched a quick bow, dropped the pizza boxes into my arms, and waved as he marched off. Unzipping his company jacket as he went. There's a quick flash of _very _white skin over broad shoulders, and then he had slipped out the property gate and was gone.

I _thought _he was wearing a dark tank top. And I thought that only because I didn't remember seeing the entirety of his back. … I just remembered the shoulders. … They were bigger than Sasuke's.

…

ANYWAY. Sasuke ended up staying the night. I slept in my own bed instead of the living room floor. And both boys bunked down just outside my bedroom door.

Before shutting off the lights, my father asked me only one thing: "What are your plans for tomorrow?"

To my mortification, I didn't have an answer.

xXx

A/N: Yo, Clumsy0132. This one's for you; Ariel can have the next one.


	5. Is that your final answer?

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto, not me.**

**Dedicated to Ariel's crusade for more Hidan x Hinata.**

**-x-**

**5. Is that your final answer? (Hell if I know)**

At precisely seven in the morning, my father roused the boys in the hall and kicked them out of the house. Naruto whined about pancakes and orange juice. Sasuke made some kind of token request for bathroom use. Both were denied. Both were driven home within ten minutes.

Of course, I was already awake, so I heard everything. When my father knocked on my door, I was ready. "Come in!"

He slipped in, cold silk and stern expression. "Hidan."

Nnggrrrr... First thing in the morning? Really Dad? "What about him?"

"I haven't called his employers. Yet."

Rather glad I was sitting down for this one, cuz it sounded like my dad was giving _Hidan_ a chance... "Why?"

The next shock I got was the wry smirk that lifted one corner of my father's mouth. "He's interesting."

"You're... He's... Wh-what?"

My father, _my father_, shrugged. "He directly told me that he was interested in courting you. He asked for your time in front of me. He displayed the proper assumption of the consequences to his actions, pending though they may be. He is _employed_ as of now in any case. And... You haven't said no."

I blinked. Apparently, my father has been thinking about this. More than I have. I still haven't gotten past the fact that I had compared my ex's shoulders to my stalker's. How's that for a mental speed bump?

"Wait." I shook my head. "You mean... you approve?!" Little wonder he tossed the boys out so early.

He snorted. "Better than the Uchiha."

I gave up. My face met my waiting palms. "What?"

"Sasuke has never been employed. He asked you out before consulting me. He feels _entitled _to the world." Father huffed and I could just imagine the way he'd lift his chin when making a point. "He belittled you and left you the day after Valentine's."

Hidan, the pizza delivery boy, has better value than Uchiha-fucking-Sasuke.

And _ouch_.

"You never said anything," I protested, lifting my head. I was right; he's standing there, arms clasped behind his back, spine straight, chin up.

"I believe that you will make responsible decisions within a certain extent. The Uchiha was _acceptable_, but never was _exemplary_."

"And Hidan is?" Maybe I should stop asking. Father's answers were making my head hurt.

My father sneered. "He made a better first impression than Sasuke did, striding into _my house_ before you; as if he already owned the grounds."

"Oh." Wait. "But he swore!"

Again with that shrug! "A small lack of respect," he said, waving aside the implications, "and used to compliment you, I'll point out."

"Yes, true, but..." Father has _never_ talked this much about my personal life before!

"_If_ you choose to date this Hidan, I will allow it."

Well, that was pretty straight forward. "Father?" I still thought he was out of his mind.

"If not, then I'll have him fired."

Blink.

"Well?"

"Can I think about this?"

"You have an hour."

And that's why the fifth time I met Hidan, it was entirely my decision.

His fault though.

xXx

A/N: And that's it for this little drabble!

Welcome to the addiction that is Hidan and Hinata. Mind your head.


End file.
